When I graduated from high school the grandmother of one of my friends gave me a book called The ABCs of Choosing a Good Husband by Stephen Wood. I guess she figured that since I was going to a Catholic college that I would spend a lot of time husband hunting. This book covers how to act in a Christian relationship, the process of courting, and how to meet the right guy. On the surface this doesn’t seem all that bad so I decided I would try and read it. What I found was a sexist view of women. Wood shared that a true Christian relationship involved courting- never dating. Basically in courting you are in a relationship with this person because you will most likely get married to them. Courting is essentially a pre-engagement. Also, before a guy can court you he has to ask for your father’s permission. I can only imagine how a conversation like that would go with my dad. Courting involves never being alone together. Why? Well Wood believes that women in particular can lack self-control which could lead to sins before marriage. Wood also believes that a woman should not work outside the home because this can lead to divorce. At a certain point I couldn’t even finish the book because I was so offended.
Wood has also written a book for men called The ABCs of Choosing a Good Wife. I know, I’m excited too, but try to contain your excitement. Though I have not read this book I did find descriptions of it from an online Christian bookseller. It seems that this book carries similar messages of the male’s dominance in a relationship. One topic that the description includes is “How a man can support a family with one income in today’s economy.” This assumes that in previous chapters the man reading this book has learned how to find a woman that will be comfortable never having a job. What if something happens to the husband? How would the wife support the family?
My issue with this book is not so much the lifestyle that Wood supports (though I would not personally choose it myself I have no problem with people that want to live this way), but the fact that he feels this is the only way to live if you want to have a holy marriage. I’m not comfortable with someone telling me that the only proper relationship is one where the man works and the woman must stay at home. In fact for some this just isn’t feasible and both must work outside the home. Does this mean their marriage is less stable because both the husband and wife are bringing an income to the family? I think relationships should be balanced and one side shouldn’t have all the control. Unbalanced relationships could lead to unhappiness and resentment, and strain a marriage.
Family: Link to Our Past, Bridge to Our Future 